


Love [Will Always be a Lesson]

by SinceIwaseighteen



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5925816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinceIwaseighteen/pseuds/SinceIwaseighteen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Alex missed the section in the DEO handbook about not becoming attached to the aliens they are holding as prisoners.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One.

1

Alex raps her fingernail against the wall of laminated glass before her, tapping like she’s trying to rouse a fish in a massive tank. The woman behind the glass is hardly akin to a fish though; she’s more like a large cat— the way bristles, stretching, casual and lazy, eyes sharp like she’s the predator here, like she isn’t encased in a Kryptonite laced jail surrounded by agents with Kryptonite laced weapons. Like she isn’t the prisoner here.

Alex won’t let herself be deterred.

“What’s your plan, Astra?” she asks, hands on her hips, posturing despite her clear dominance here. She still doesn’t quite know what to make of Astra; having seen her strength and having seen her heart, she’s still not sure which to be most weary of.

“There is no plan,” Astra answers, simple, almost bored in her reply. “I’ve surrendered. I’ve been forthright. I’ve told you all I know and you’ve captured some of the most dangerous Fort Rozz prisoners because of it,” she points out. She reaches out and touches the glass, taps on it similar to the way Alex had; she raises an eyebrow, her gaze pointed; Alex is almost positive she’s trying to intimidate her. “I am completely at your mercy.”

“And yet, your husband is waging war,” Alex reveals.

If Astra is shocked by the information, she doesn’t show it.

“He’s acting of his own accord.”

“So, that’s it?” Alex asks, disbelieving. “We’re just supposed to believe that after everything you’ve done for your cause, all the people you’ve hurt or put in harm’s way for your cause and you’ve just decided to give up? Just like that?”

Astra gazes at her, steely and petulant—sad in a way Alex can’t begin to place; it’s more unnerving than she would care to admit.

“Perhaps I’ve found there’s nothing on Earth worth saving,” She says, far too calm for someone who is suggesting that the entire Earth is worthy of its own self-destruction. “I’d like to speak with my niece,” she adds and Alex knows from the couple of weeks they’ve already had Astra in their custody that Astra asking for Kara means she’s done talking; it’s her ‘send me a Kyrptonian because I am done with you puny humans’ tactic.

Alex isn’t done with her though.

“Astra,” She pounds on the glass hard this time. “If what you’re doing here is some kind of trick,” she begins, threatening, because they’ve been tricked by Astra before, because Alex doesn’t trust her, because, quite frankly, Alex would like to rattle her. “It doesn’t even matter what I’d do. It doesn’t matter what any of us could do to you. Do you know why I’m here instead of your niece?” she asks—and if it weren’t for the presence of Kryptonite, she’s almost sure the look Astra gives her would melt the glass between them. “It’s because she’s ashamed of you, Astra,” she taunts. “She _saves_ people and you’ve hurt so many people; she doesn’t want to be associated with anything you stand for.” She’s struck a nerve; she can tell by the way Astra’s jaw tenses. She does little else though—probably because she’s unable to do anything more than glare. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive you if you betray us again?”She asks, serious, letting the question hang in the air as she leaves.

She doesn’t look back.

2

“Your husband is dead,” Alex says without preamble. There is nothing she can say to cushion the blow so she doesn’t try.

Astra glances at her through the glass, stone, even in the face of such news.

“I never imagined he’d let you take him alive,” she says simply.

“You’re permitted to see the body, if you’d like,” Alex offers.

Astra nods and Alex signals for the agents accompanying her to step back as she uses her clearance to unlock the glass. She keeps a hand on her weapon, half expecting Astra to attack once the opportunity presents itself.

She doesn’t.

She lets Alex cuff her without incident and they walk in silence through the DEO headquarters to where Non lay on a gurney, half covered.

He’s pale except for the sickening, almost radioactive green hue of his veins. Even in the face of the pain he clearly endured, Astra doesn’t blanch.

Alex steps back as Astra approaches him—lets her have some privacy with her deceased husband.

“Rest now,” she hears the Kryptonian woman say, cuffed hands on the man’s chest. She lays her head alongside her hands on his chest and Alex glances away—feels like she’s intruding on something this woman is not likely to let anyone else see. The rest of the words she hears are in a rhythmic and clipped Kryptonian—nothing at all like the slow and easy phrases Kara used to teach her; nothing at all like something she can even begin to translate.

When Astra rejoins her, her face is unreadable, unaffected but her shoulders are hunched liked maybe she’s had the world taken off them—like maybe she doesn’t know what to do with herself without the weight of it.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says, because she doesn’t know what else to say. Because she knows there is nothing she can say. Because she knows someone trying to hold it together when she sees it. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love,” she murmurs and Astra glances at her, shocked. She seems visibly shaken that Alex would show any sort of condolences; Alex wonders if she ought to feel as bad about that as she does.

“I haven’t loved Non for a long time,” Astra says, quiet as they walk back. “But I owe him a great deal,” she confesses and Alex wonders what she means by that but she doesn’t dare ask—doesn’t think it’s any of her business. “What will they do with the body?” Astra asks, subdued as Alex removes her cuffs and ushers her back into her cell.

“I don’t know,” Alex admits; that sort of thing has always been handled by Hank, delegated to Logistics units.

“Don’t let them experiment on him,” Astra pleads—she seems almost small now, encased in glass, helpless.

“We wouldn’t do that,” Alex says instantly, because the DEO isn’t that kind of agency; she wouldn’t work for them if they were, but Astra had been under their care when General Lane and his military goons had pumped her full of enough Kryptonite to almost kill her so she can’t say that Astra’s concern is unfounded. She thinks about the things that could befall Kara if she were to ever fall into the wrong human hands and suddenly Astra’s disillusionment with the human race seems a lot more comprehensible. “Look, I won’t let that happen, okay?” She promises and she finds that she really means it.

Astra nods, seemingly appeased.

“I’d like to see my niece,” she asks, tentatively hopeful; Alex knows Kara still hasn’t come to see her since she’s been in their custody; she knows Kara has a myriad of complex reasons for that.

She nods anyway. She doesn’t have to go far to find Kara because she’s right outside the door when she exits.

“She’s asking for you,” Alex tells her, like Kara hadn’t just heard everything.

“Alex, I can’t,” Kara says, pouting—and Alex knows now why Astra’s sadness had been so distantly familiar. “It’s my fault her husband’s dead! What am I supposed to say to her?”

“Kara, nothing about what happened out there was your fault,” Alex tells her, fervent, because the very last thing she needs is Kara shouldering guilt that doesn’t belong to her. “He was going to kill a whole lot of people. He was going to kill _you_. It was my call to send in agents. I did it to protect you and I would do it a hundred times over.”

“But if I hadn’t let him capture me; if I were more careful…”

“Then this fight would have just happened another day,” Alex reasons. “Look, we can’t change what happened out there and it’s entirely your choice if you want to talk to her or not, but she’s your family, Kara, and you really are all she has left now,” Alex tells her.

Kara seems to be considering it but her phone beeps before she can make up her mind.

“I’ve gotta get back to CatCo,” she sighs.

“Just think about it,” Alex tells her, watching as she rushes back into her other life.

3.

“I heard you coming,” Astra says, blunt, as Alex enters.

“The Kryptonite has been dialed down considerably,” Alex divulges.

“Kara’s doing?” Astra asks and she looks so earnestly hopeful that Alex considers lying to her for a moment but she’s not sure why she’d do that—not sure why she’d even want to get this woman’s hopes up.

“Mine, actually,” she admits. “Our goal is to contain you, not torture you, Astra.”

Astra doesn’t even move when Alex opens her cell—doesn’t even look at her when she enters.

“I brought books,” Alex tells her anyway, setting a small stack of books in the corner. “You must be getting bored.”

Astra doesn’t answer nor does she make any move to look at the books.

Alex locks up the cell.

She’s about to leave. She doesn’t know why she turns back—doesn’t know why she feels the need to say something.

“If it helps,” she begins. “Your niece —I think she’s angrier with herself than she is with you,” she says before leaving.

Later, when she’s going through HQ surveillance, she notices that Astra is at least halfway through _Gone with the Wind_ (also, she’s really glad she had the good sense to take _The Art of War_ out of the stack of books).

4.

National City is experiencing its hugest freak storm in decades and Alex is alone at the DEO HQ with Thai food and a battered copy of _Wuthering Heights_. She doesn’t mind the alone time really; Kara had texted her that she is pretty much stuck in a lockdown at CatCo (unless of course, Supergirl is needed) and Alex knows that Hank is doing important work investigating an unknown alien sighting—she knows now why he always handles these unknowns on his own; knows that despite his bravado, he still secretly hopes to find that he isn’t the last of his species.

It seems, at least, that the horrific weather conditions have deterred even the bad guys for the time being and there really isn’t much to do at headquarters— they only have one prisoners (a rather terrifying lab accident with the ability to absorb people’s energy ) currently on site until they can make more permanent arrangements for him and then of course, there’s Astra, who they still don’t quite know what to do with except keep her somewhat near to Kara whose existence might be the only thing stopping her from plotting the destruction of the Earth.

Alex has already done those checks for tonight so she kicks her feet up on the console —Hank did leave her in charge after all— and settles into her book.

Of course, because apparently life doesn’t like to see her relax, it’s barely 5 minute later when a particularly brutal clap of thunder causes the whole building to quake. Like, literally shake—objects sliding off of tables type shaking. The power cuts out a moment later, which would usually be no big deal seeing as the DEO headquarters have enough generators to power like half the city if need be, except, the generators don’t kick in and the building doesn’t stop shaking.

That is definitely the first clue that Alex is dealing with something extranormal.

The second clue is the vaguely human shaped wind gust that appears in front of her.

“Don’t come any closer,” Alex warns, unsteady with the ground shaking beneath her feet and unaccustomed to the sudden darkness but quick to draw her weapon regardless.

It (whatever it is) somehow generates some kind of lightening in its hands, which totally explains the power outage and is enough of a threat for Alex to discharge her weapon—two shots, both of which fly right through the entity without even stunning it.

“Shit,” Alex curses, attempting to activate her Comm device to contact Kara or Hank, but she gets nothing—not even static. Without the power, the panic button is also a no-go.

The wind monster moves closer and she narrowly dodges an honest to God lightning bolt that comes hurling right at her face.

She can’t shoot it and apparently there won’t be any alien intervention tonight, so she knows her only option is to contain it which means making it down to the basement level to reset the power.

With the ground shaking, it’s hard to run but she makes it to the stairs and makes it almost a whole floor down before her path is blocked by the parasitic, purple man that used to be in their custody—and is now apparently running around the DEO since the power outage.

Alex groans—clearly what she needed was for her night to get any worse.

She turns around to run back in direction she came from and finds that path blocked by the wind man.

“Shit,” she murmurs, clearly trapped between a hurricane and having her life slowly sapped from her.

Her feet make the decision before her mind does and she takes a few steps backwards before running at the wind man full force.

It feels like running through a tornado. Her skin is prickling with a tearing sensation, like the force of the wind is trying to split her apart, but she pushes forward anyway until she comes out on the other side of it, crumpled on her knees, the breath stolen from her lungs.

She watches, horrified, as the Parasite somehow latches onto the wind man; she can see the energy leaving him—can do nothing but watch as his energy is drained until he’s reduced to a rather puny man, collapsed on the floor, and the Parasite, now twice as large, turns his attention back to her.

Alex scrambles to her feet, still winded, heart pumping fast against her chest. She shoots quickly, emptying a whole clip, but the Parasite catches the bullets in some kind of wind gust – which, really, she should have expected since absorption of powers was the whole reason it had been difficult for Kara to bring him in.

What she doesn’t expect is for him to turn the bullets on her. What she really doesn’t expect is to be trapped into a corner with 6 wind propelled bullets ready to launch at her.

It’s totally not the way she imagined she’d die. Well, actually, she expected nothing less than this really—nothing less than some crazed super villain with a grudge against the DEO.

She doesn’t close her eyes as the bullets fly towards her— she won’t give this man the satisfaction of seeing her flinch.    

She’s postured —braced for impact— when all of a sudden, she’s shielded, a strong arm pinning her against the wall as the bullets ricochet like mere pellets off the mass in front of her.

“Kara,” Alex assumes, relieved. “Thank God.”

“I hate to tell you this,” Not Kara; it’s definitely not Kara. “But your containment cells do not hold up well against electrical surges.”

“Astra,” Alex says, shocked. “I assumed you had made a getaway the moment the power went out.”

“I thought about it,” the Kryptonian woman admits, completely candid. “But I fear I’d have to steal from book stores to get the kind of book service I get here,” she jokes.

It’s probably not the best time for joking.

The Parasite steps closer.

Freeze breath is met with a flurry of wind that creates a perfect storm of flying ice fractals and Alex is suddenly very glad to have a Kryptonian shield.

“We have to contain him,” Alex tells her. “If I can make it to the basement, I can restore the power.”

“I can lure him to a cell,” Astra agrees. “I’ll shield you to the stairs and distract him so he doesn’t follow.”

It’s a solid plan, as far as plans go, and it works. Alex makes it to the stairs without being toppled by a tornado or having her life sucked out, which is good.

“Astra,” she says, before she leaves this woman to take on this life-leeching problem by herself. “Don’t let him touch you,” she warns—it’s as close to ‘be careful’ as she’s willing to get.

She doesn’t wait for a reply.

Most of their generators are fried but she has enough working pieces to get the power back on in a reasonable time.

Task complete, she rushes back to the upper levels and finds that Astra has indeed lured the Parasite to a room with a containment cell, but she’s lost whatever upper hand she had because the Parasite has her by the throat—her energy quickly draining.

One shot is distraction enough for him to release her and as soon as she is free, Astra shoves him hard enough that he tumbles right into the cell.

Alex locks up the cell quickly, leans her back against it and breathes—just breathes for what feels like the first time in hours.

“I can’t believe we actually managed that,” she laughs—and, because apparently the universe really hates to see her relax, the only response she’s met with is the sound of Astra’s body crumbling to the ground.

“Shit,” she groans, rushing to the Kryptonian’s side. She’s pale and her pulse is faint but thankfully, she’s still alive. “Okay, okay,” Alex manages to support her enough to get her off the ground. “I’ve got you,” she murmurs even though the woman is clearly unconscious. “Not so tough now, are you?” she mocks, dragging the unconscious Kryptonian to the medical bay.

At very least, there’s power now.

5.

“Well, you look brighter,” Alex says as she enters the medical bay.

After a week of being treated by their best doctors, Astra certainly looks considerably more like she can snap her in half with one hand again.

“Well, I no longer feel like I’ve had my life drained by a parasitic beast,” Astra replies easily; she holds out her wrists and Alex snaps the Kryptonite cuffs on, helps the woman to her feet. “How’s your sister this morning?” Astra asks, tone far too conversational for the gravity of the words.

Alex tries not to let her shock show but she’s pretty sure she fails.

“You spoke to Kara?” she asks, wondering why Kara hadn’t mentioned it.

“She came by to thank me for not letting _you_ get absorbed by the beast,” Astra says simply, nonchalant, even though Alex can tell she’s more than a little excited about having had Kara visit her. “When I suggested your relationship was of the intimate variety, I couldn’t understand why she was so affronted by the possibility but eventually she told me about her upbringing on Earth.”

“Yeah? What did she tell you?” Alex asks, curious. She removes the cuffs as they enter Astra’s containment cell, but she doesn’t leave right away—doesn’t feel the need to be separated by bulletproof glass from the woman who actually saved her from a spray of bullets.

“Enough to understand why she could never bear to lose you,” Astra says, sincere. “That could put quite a target on your back,” she adds; it’s a warning but in no way a threat—Alex wonders when that (Astra _not_ being threatening) started to be a thing and why she hadn’t even realized it had been happening.

“I do alright for myself,” she shrugs and Astra smiles—like really smiles at her in a way that makes her eyes light up and her nose scrunch. It’s so naturally pretty in a way that doesn’t at all fit in with where they are—with the things Astra has done, with the things she’s capable of doing.

“You certainly do,” Astra says, and she sounds so astoundingly genuine— the only thing Alex has ever heard her talk about with that tone is Kara.

Alex isn’t blushing.

She’s totally not.

It’s not why she rushes out of the containment cell.

“I’ll bring more books by later,” she tells the Kryptonian woman, desperate to divert the attention away from herself.

“No more of those silly romance novels,” Astra says, smirking. “You humans are so sentimental, I can hardly stand it.”

Alex rolls her eyes.

“What was that? You said you want more romance novels?” She locks up the cell, a smirk of her own firmly in face.

“No.”

“Sorry, can’t hear you,” Alex teases. “I don’t have super hearing.”

She doesn’t care that the cashier at the bookstore looks at her like she’s the loneliest woman on the planet when she picks up like 10 of the cheesiest romance novels she can find—it’s totally worth it.

6.

“Kara?” Alex calls, even though their communication had gone down at least five minutes ago and despite the efforts of their best techs, it seems they’ve yet to show any signs of any sort of reconnection. “Hank,” Alex turns to her boss, worried; Supergirl had not been doing so great in her current fight before communication had went down and every second without confirmation of Kara’s well-being is driving Alex crazy. “Hank, we don’t have agents equipped for this. She might need some alien help.”

“Alex, I can’t,” he warns, firm—and Alex knows he can’t, know what happened last time she pushed him into using his alien powers but Kara could be in danger and Alex can’t just stand around and do nothing while Kara is in trouble.

“Hank,” Alex knows what she has to do—knows that Hank definitely won’t like it. “I have to do it.”

“Alex, wait,” she hears Hank calling after her as she storms out; she doesn’t turn back; she’ll take the heat for this later, after she’s sure Kara is safe.

Astra smirks when Alex enters, instantly discarding the book she had been reading.

“My favorite visitor,” she teases but Alex doesn’t have time to respond to that.

Astra looks confused as Alex unlocks the containment chamber and even more so when there are no cuffs to follow.

“I think Kara may be in trouble,” Alex tells her; it’s all she needs to say.

It doesn’t take too long for Astra to return (though, it’s long enough for Hank to keep sending Alex worrying glances and absolutely long enough for Alex to wonder why she didn’t send Astra with some kind of comm. device ). Kara, however, is in her arms, unmoving.

“Jesus,” Alex mutters, calling for a doctor as she rushes to check on her sister. She’s out cold, but she looks otherwise unharmed. “Let’s get her to the sun-bed.”

Astra carries her—won’t let anyone else take her—and lays her gently beneath the yellow glow.

“What can we do?” She asks; she looks seconds away from pacing.

“We wait,” Alex sighs; she hates this part (hates not knowing; hates not being able to do anything); she can tell Astra feels the same.

“What happened to the Silver Banshee?” she asks, trying to distract Astra from the helplessness of it all. This menace of the week had been this rather terrifying woman with an even more terrifying ability to seriously injure people with the mere power of her screech. Alex would rather she not still be at large.

“She fled,” Astra says. “But she’s injured, unable to produce such harsh vocalizations. She will be no harm to your people for the time being, Agent Danvers.”

“Thank you, Astra,” Alex tells her, though the words feel laden—like maybe the words are not quite enough (not for something as big as bringing Kara back to her, not for something as redemptive as acting on the behalf of people she once thought to be beneath her, not for something as definitive as not letting Alex down when she so easily could have).

Alex finds herself reaching out tentatively to touch Astra’s shoulder and Astra smiles at her, though her smile is loaded too— far too wistful, far too small to convey something so big.

“Thank you for allowing me to help,” she expresses, reaching up to brush her fingertips against where Alex’s are splayed just above her collarbone.

Her touch is warmer than Alex expects although perhaps she supposes she should have expected Astra to be warm—Kara always is.            

She doesn’t contemplate it for long because when she glances up, she suddenly realizes just how much glass they are surrounded by—and through the glass, she notices than Hank is observing them rather intently, his frown the epitome of disapproval.

Alex snatches her hand away quickly, feeling far too much like a teenager caught doing something she shouldn’t—which is ridiculous because she’s clearly not a teenager and clearly not doing anything wrong.

“Agent Danvers,” Hank knocks on the glass. “My office.”

Okay, so maybe she did something kind of wrong—like release a super-powered criminal without a thought. She can’t say she wasn’t expecting a reprimand.

“Astra,” she takes the Kryptonite handcuffs off her belt; she doesn’t feels like she has to cuff her, but she also doesn’t feels like she really need to be in anymore hot water with Hank either. “I have to,” she gestures to the cuffs.

“Right. Of course.” Astra’s smile is tight-lipped but she holds out her wrists to let Alex cuff her.

Alex glances at Kara, completely still beneath the yellow glow; she squeezes her little sister’s hand before turning back to Astra.

“I trust you’ll stay with her until she wakes up.”

The way Astra’s face lights up is like the first slither of sun after it has been raining all day—unexpected but not at all unwelcome.

“Of course,” she agrees.

7.

“She’ll be fine, you know?” Alex says; she’s trying to calm Astra—maybe even trying to calm herself a bit too. It’s been a few hours and Kara has been moved from the sun-bed to a regular bed but she still hasn’t woken yet. Apparently, even Kryptonians are susceptible to a fair amount of brain swelling when hit full force with hypersonic screaming; the medic had assured her though that what would take a human years to heal is taking Kara mere minutes. Alex is clinging to that logic—clinging to just how many things she has seen Kara bounce back from in the past. “She’s resilient.”

“She always has been,” Astra agrees. “Even during childhood.”

“Kara told me you two were close on Krypton,” Alex broaches, because she’s curious—because she could use the distraction; they both could.

“We were,” Astra confirms, her tone soft—contemplative. “Does Kara speak of Krypton often?” she asks.

“Not anymore,” Alex shrugs. She remembers when Kara first came to live with them—remembers her immense sadness as she recounted stories of sprawling cities and towering buildings. Eventually, the tales stopped, but so did the sadness. Now, she only mentions Krypton in passing, the sadness lingering behind her eyes for moments before she’s back in the present.

“That’s probably for the best,” Astra tells her. “Krypton was…” she sort of trails off like she’s unsure if she should continue.

Alex moves to sit next to her— interested, should she want to continue what she was saying.

Astra smiles lightly at her presence.

“Krypton was a beautiful planet on the surface, but like its hazardous core, its civilization had grown destructive in many ways that Kara was far too young and far too privileged being of House of El to understand. The planet was extraordinarily old, so as a species we both benefitted and suffered from great bounds in technological advancement,” she explains. “Over the years, our culture had grown to prioritize efficiency over all. Children were bred and genetically modified to fill certain roles—to carry on their family lineage. Eventually, unfavorable traits were phased out of the Kryptonian gene pool completely and as a consequence, so were other natural occurring anomalies—twins for instance.”

“You mentioned it was rare.”

“Very. Alura and I were the first case in centuries. We were practically inseparable as children, but as we got older, it was quite obvious there was no room for deviance amidst the Kyrptonian social structure. We were bred for the same role so either we rose together as the one we were intended to be or we were pit against each other. You will more than likely be unsurprised to know that of the two of us, I was the breaker of the status quo.”

“Yeah, not surprised at all,” Alex chuckles, finding herself engrossed in this knowledge of Astra’s upbringing.

“Alura excelled at everything she set her mind to and I skated by, stirring up trouble along the way. Everything I ever did was set against the benchmark of my sister’s achievements. Even lovers she rejected would come running to me like I was some consolation prize they were owed since they were unable to have the original. I was never enough for anybody, not on my own merit—not with Alura serving as an ever present reminder of what I should have been. Still, she and I were close regardless; our relationship never suffered because of outside pressures, but my relationship with my parents quickly deteriorated. I had not realized just how reprehensible I had become to them until one day in my late teens.” The way Astra smiles is so pained—so sad—like the memory alone is enough to wreck her. Alex reaches out, squeezes her knee lightly.

“What happened?” she asks.  

“I was supposed to be in Rao City for the weekend but my being such a troublemaker,” she purses her lips, self-disparaging, and Alex squeezes her knee again, implores her to continue. “Unbeknownst to my parents, I had stayed behind. I got caught trespassing on Council property but my family were fairly well known in the city, enough for it to be known that I was supposed to be in Rao City and Alura was still in Kandor. I was mistaken for my sister and knowing little consequences would fall upon her as opposed to myself, I did little to correct the mistaken identity. Our parents were notified and as I correctly assumed, Alura faced no other consequence for my actions and still, my parents knew what I had done and were livid. They were determined to make sure I could never put Alura’s upstanding reputation in jeopardy again, but even on Krypton where we bled as you humans do, we were still remarkably hard to scar. The planet’s core, however, was a toxic wasteland of substances that were harmful to us—a desert of kryptonite, if you will. There was a certain liquid substance, silver in color, that was known on Krypton to be very painful to come in contact with—enough to scar instantly should we touch it. My parents had meant to leave a small mark on my forehead, something conspicuous enough that Alura and I would be easily distinguished from one another, but I had fought back so rigorously that the single drop they had recovered had fallen onto my scalp instead.”  

“The streak?” Alex asks, shocked at its origins—she had assumed it was a silly fashion statement of sorts; she feels kind of bad for having hated it at one point.

Astra nods.

“A lasting consequence, I’m afraid,” she confirms. “I left home that night, Alura helped me escape without notice, and I did not return home until many years later when Alura sent news that she was with child.”

“Kara?” Alex asks, though she knows; the way Astra smiles at just the mention of her niece—a little wistful, a whole lot remorseful—is telling enough.

“Kara,” Alura affirms. “After so many years of absence, my homecoming had been so jarring. Alura was a judge, she had married into the reputable House of El and I had eloped to a bastard from Argo City without my parent’s knowledge,” she chuckles but it’s mirthless. “All these childhood feelings of inadequacy were being dredged up so thoroughly that by the time Alura had gone into labor, I almost didn’t show up. I did though, out of respect to my sister and ‘til this day, I still thank Rao that I had not been as petty as to have not shown up to something so vital,” Astra shakes her head at herself like she honestly can’t fathom what she had been thinking back then; Alex, realizing that her hand is still on Astra’s knee, gives her a reassuring squeeze. “Even just minutes old, Kara had been so perfect, you know? Like this luminescent little bundle of energy you just couldn’t help but smile at. When Alura told me to hold her, I remember being so reluctant at first. I remember thinking, ‘well, certainly, if I hold her, she’ll cry. Certainly, if anybody is to see me as nothing but an imperfect replication of Alura, then it’ll definitely be this child of Alura’s own womb.’ Alura insisted though and as I took this tiny baby into my arms, she looked up at me and her eyes were so curious already, her tiny little features scrunched up in confusion like maybe even then she could tell I wasn’t her mother and still, she grabbed onto my hand and burrowed against my chest and went right to sleep, just like that.” The way Astra smiles at the memory is enough to have Alex grinning; she can picture it perfectly—picture Kara, even as a baby, being this inevitable source of joy. “As she grew, we grew closer; she would confide in me always; she would tell me things she wouldn’t tell her mother. When she would stay at my house, she would hide when Alura would come to pick her up and always beg to stay longer. I wasn’t at all like her mother, I wasn’t maternal at all like Alura, but Kara never saw it as a flaw. I was her Aunt Astra and I was always enough.” Astra glances at the floor and when she looks back up, Alex finds that her eyes are a storm of emotion, so much so that Alex wants to look away; she doesn’t though—she allows herself to see how very human this Kryptonian woman is. “You know, I am greatly indebted to you, Agent Danvers,” she says, softly. “I had very much resigned myself to the fact that Kara would never forgive me. I was sure that she would never speak to me again —that I would never be good enough for her again— and then she came that night to thank me because of you.”

“Because of me?” Alex asks, incredulous. “Astra, you did that,” Alex tells hers, firm. She doesn’t even realize what she’s doing until she feels the cool lead of handcuffs rub against her wrist as she touches the back of Astra’s hand. Astra’s hand twitches but she doesn’t pull away. “She went to thank you that night because you saved me, Astra. You had no idea that she and I were close and you could have very easily made a getaway and been free right now and yet you stayed and saved me anyway,” she recounts. “And today, you saved so many people, including Kara, with no thought to your own well-being,” she reminds her. “You know, the reason I think it was so damn hard for Kara to see you in here was because even though you have done things that she can never condone, no matter what, you’re always going to be someone she thinks the world of and at first, I couldn’t understand why that was, but now, I am beginning to see it.”

Astra looks struck by her confession, shocked that Alex can see anything but evil in her.

“Thank you,” she says, softer than Alex has ever seen her. She notices Astra glance at where their hands are still touching and she tries to pull her hand back but Astra catches her while she's fleeing, presses their palms together even with the limited range of motion the cuffs allow her.

Alex should pull away; she’s always been a logical person and logic is screaming at her to retreat, but she watches, fascinated, as Astra fits their hands together and doesn’t pull away even when their fingers resolutely interlock.

They fit in a way they probably shouldn’t. The way Astra is looking at her—soft and vulnerable and awestruck—makes Alex’s pulse race in a way it probably shouldn’t. Everything about this is something that definitely shouldn’t happen.

“Astra,” she begins to say—or begins to protest, she hopes (hopes that her brain has more control over this sudden rush of emotions than her body does); it’s a groan from the bed that cuts her off and she pulls her hand back quickly, rushes to Kara’s side in an instant.

Kara blinks her eyes open; she looks wildly disoriented but seems to calm when she realizes it’s Alex hovering over her.

“Is this what a headache feels like?” she asks, blinking a few times.

“Probably,” Alex grins, relieved to have Kara finally awake—also kind of relieved to have a distraction. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”

“Oh my gosh,” Kara sits up stiffly on the bed, panicked. “How long was I out?”

“Probably about fifteen years in human healing time,” Alex jokes and Kara’s eyes widen comically. “About 5 hours in reality though,” she amends, which seems to panic Kara even more.

“I am so fired,” she groans. “Cat has probably sent a search party to look for me just so she can fire me,” she complains. “I gotta go,” she says, moving to get up; Alex blocks her.

“You were pretty much just in coma,” she reminds her.

“But now I’m not.”

“Exactly, so now, you’re resting,” Alex tells her, stern. She’s not opposed to using the ‘big sister’ voice when she has to.

“Alex,” Kara whines. “You know I could leave if I really want to,” she challenges, a thinly-veiled threat to use her superpowers.

“Kara,” it’s Astra who pipes in this time. “Should your sister wish to remove these,” she gestures at her handcuffs. “I’m sure they could accommodate another Kryptonian.”

“I like that idea,” Alex agrees and Kara looks at her and then at Astra, staring between them for a few moments that make Alex’s heart pump hard in her chest—because what if Kara knows something? Not that there is anything to know, but what if?

“You two suck,” Kara finally says, pouting, as she lies back down on the bed.

Alex sighs a breath of relief.

“Well, I already texted Winn to cover for you with Cat like five hours ago and I was going to buy you pizza, but if I suck so much…” she teases.

“Double cheese?” Kara says, lighting up in seconds.

“Double cheese,” she agrees.

“You gave us quite a scare, Kara,” she hears Astra saying as she slips quietly out the door.

When she gets back, extra large double cheese pizza in hand, it’s to find Kara and Astra softly laughing together.

She hangs back for a moment, watches the way Kara gestures like she’s explaining something, watches the way Astra hangs onto every word, intense, like she may never get quite an opportunity again.

It makes Alex feels warm in a way she was not expecting.

It’s because she’s happy for Kara, she reasons—she’s happy that Kara is allowed to have this, to have something safe and familiar from her childhood.

That’s clearly the reason she feels warmth bloom in her chest.

It has absolutely nothing to do with the soft glow of Astra’s smile.


	2. Part Two.

8.

“One of yours?” Alex asks, holding a DEO file against the containment glass, facing the picture towards Astra for her to see it.

Astra spares a glance from over the pages of her book, but she doesn’t meet Alex’s gaze, doesn’t spare much more than a glance.

“I did not claim possession of these individuals, Alex,” She says and Alex’s name sounds both foreign and familiar rolling off of her tongue; Alex isn’t sure when that happened, although she’s almost positive Astra had heard Kara say it and then tested the syllables in her mouth like she had been testing a fine wine; Alex hadn’t done anything to encourage her to revert back to professionalism so that’s that. Now, she’s on a complete first name basis with an alien criminal. No big deal. Not too surprising. The iciness behind Astra’s tone, however, feels surprisingly new.

It’s Alex’s fault really; even in a secret government organization which only hires highly intelligent and highly trained operatives, those highly trained operatives are prone to gossip and pettiness. She had overheard a couple of logistics agents talking about her fondness for Kryptonians and she’s been distancing herself from Astra ever since. It’s been over a month since she’s visited her; it’s apparent in the many folded pages of the book Astra’s reading—clearly read and reread multiple times— and even more so in the way Astra’s postures herself—defensive and cold. Alex really should have expected that—she really should have known Astra would give as good as she gets— but she doesn’t have time to worry about it. She has a job to do and that job does not include worrying about Astra’s hurt feelings.

“Is this a Fort Rozz escapee?” She asks, gesturing to the file.

Astra flips a page in her book.

“Is this an interrogation?” she fires back, and when she lowers the book, Alex is surprised to find that her eyes are far softer than she expected—more questioning than cold, though Alex doesn’t have an answer to any of the questions her eyes are asking.

“Astra,” she sighs.

“Yes,” Astra says and she flips the page again—Alex knows she reads fast but she wonders if she actually reads _that_ fast or if she’s really just so intent on not looking at her. She doesn’t like how the possibility of the latter makes her chest feel suddenly tight.

“Astra,” she repeats, serious.

“Yes, he was a Fort Rozz prisoner and yes, he subscribed to my cause,” Astra discloses, going right back to her book.

“He attacked Kara,” Alex tells her.

That definitely gets her attention; she discards the book, rising to her feet quickly—Alex appreciates how ready she is to defend Kara if need be.

“Is she—?”

“She’s fine,” Alex cuts her off, not wanting her to worry for a second longer than she has to. “But he’s still out there and he’s the second Fort Rozz escapee who attacked her this month,” she reveals. “Do you think your people have found a new leader? Like maybe they’re rebranding or something?”

“I would not rule it out,” Astra admits, looking hard at the photo Alex is still holding against the glass. “But if he is part of a new coalition, I very much doubt that he is a key member,” she says.

“So, why attack?” Alex asks, wading through the dilemma; she feels like she’s trying to connect pieces of a puzzle when all she has are the edges—she’s almost certain Astra can help her recover the whole middle. “Why now? And why Kara?”

“Kara is the last daughter of the House of El. Her uncle established Fort Rozz; her mother sentenced many of them— _of us_ —to the Phantom Zone. Perhaps Kara just seems a fitting target for retribution; perhaps she seems a weaker target for those not brazen enough to harass that ostentatious El boy lording over Metropolis.”

“So, it’s revenge then?” Alex infers. “You think more will come forward to attack her?”

“It’s more than likely,” Astra says, simple, like the answer is somehow obvious. “You have to understand, Alex, that Fort Rozz was not a place of rehabilitation. The Phantom Zone in itself is not inherently evil —many who happen upon it are destined to peacefully sleep for the rest of eternity— but in Fort Rozz, your destiny is far more torturous. Time is endless and you are trapped in a body that no longer responds to your mind; you cannot move no matter how much you will it; you cannot physically speak no matter how deafeningly your mind screams. You long to feel normal, to feel anything as you stare, unblinking, unwavering, into the infinite abyss of the universe until you feel how truly small and inconsequential you really are. All communication is telepathic; if you are strong of mind then perhaps you can pay no attention to how the voices call to you, but after a while—which may be seconds or may be decades— even the strongest of wills are broken and soon, you are no longer able to differentiate between your own voice and the voices of the impassive bodies around you. You are no longer sure if you are looking out on the universe or if the universe is looking in on you. You’re no longer sure of anything except that you are trapped in an endless fate far worse than death. You are not supposed to make it out of Fort Rozz; you do not simply walk away from that torment completely intact.” She pauses for a moment, shaking her head like she can rid herself of the memories; Alex wonders what part of herself she feels was stripped from her—wonders if she sleeps in fitful bursts, waking from nightmares of darkness or if she sometimes looks at glass and sees nothing but the vast universe.

“When we came crashing to the Earth, we had already known that Krypton was gone; we had seen the destruction, watched as the remnants of our planet disintegrated into space, but there was no way to tell if it had happened seconds ago or eons ago. We came to your land with nothing except a newfound invincibility beneath your yellow sun and a fear of recapture, especially at the hands of humans for it is known across the galaxy how driven by fear and curiosity your people can be. A few of the captive—mainly scientists and soldiers— had been imprisoned because of their affiliation to my cause on Krypton, others were jailed for reasons I did not care to know; those who joined me did so not only because they were haunted by the memories of the destruction of Krypton but because they had nothing else to live for. I rallied an army and together we learned the nuisances of these abilities the yellow sun granted us. Together, we had the closest thing I could forge to everything we had lost on Krypton. I promised them a place on this new planet once we rescued it from destruction and I failed them, just as I had failed them on Krypton. I suspect they’ve spent much of their time after Non’s death in hiding and plagued by fear of recapture; those who lash out in hostility most likely do so because they feel they have nothing left. If I had any sway with your people, I’d plead for leniency for them. Many of the prisoners have already lived a lifetime of life sentences and now they face an impossible task of finding a place in this new world to settle; they require help not prosecution.”

“You think they can be rehabilitated?” Alex asks, unsure of the prospect.

“Some of them, yes,” Astra affirms. “You do not believe it is possible?”

“I don’t know,” Alex admits, shrugging. “You said it yourself; you’re not sure what many of them were even imprisoned for in the first place. I’m not sure I’m willing to stick my neck out there for a bunch of alien criminals on the off chance they’ve suddenly decided to play nice.”

Astra smiles at her—that gentle sort of sad smile that Alex still hasn’t quite wrapped her head around.

“Then what are you doing here, Alex?” She asks, surprisingly soft.

The truth is, Alex honestly has no idea.

 

9.

Hank looks up from the file Alex had placed in front of him and raises an eyebrow in a way that makes Alex kind of want to back right out of the room.

“You want to assemble a task force to track down the rest of the Fort Rozz prisoners?” he asks.

“Yes,” Alex nods. “I think it makes sense to get to them before they become a threat,” she says, speaking calm and rational even though she knows this isn’t the part of her proposal that Hank will take issue with.

“And you plan to assign Astra, the woman who once led them in an attack against Earth, to this task force?” he asks, exceptionally calm for someone who is looking at her like _she’s_ the alien here.

“Kara is out there risking her life everyday to save this city; she has more important things to worry about than these people coming after her and Astra can help,” Alex reasons. “She has intel on these prisoners that we just don’t have. She has influence over them. She might even be able to bring some of them to our side.”

“Or she could be reassembling her army and sneaking them right into the DEO, right under our noses,” Hank counters.

“She’s not,” Alex insists—and she surprises herself with how strongly she believes it. “Besides,” she continues —she knows blind belief will get her nowhere; logic, however, might get her this task force. “She’d be reporting to me. I’ll be able to scrutinize her every move.”

Hank studies her carefully before glancing down at the carefully constructed proposal she had handed him. He sighs, rubbing at his temple, massaging out the tension; Alex wonders if Martians can get headaches—she knows that even if they can’t, she’d surely be the first person to give Hank one if they could.

“Why her, Alex?” He asks and there’s softness in his eyes that belies the firmness of his posture; he’s still Hank – her boss, her superior – but he’s also J’onn –her advocate, her friend – and honestly, those lines have blurred so much that she’s never really sure if he’s lecturing her or worried about her, although she’s almost positive now that it’s always been a combination of both.

“Because she has intel,” she repeats; it’s the reasonable answer—the only one that makes sense.

“No, why her?” He asks again, but the question is no different, Alex doesn’t know why he’d expect the answer to be. “We’ve had many prisoners in and out of here but you’re fixated on her. Why?”

Alex wants to argue that she isn’t fixated on Astra—that she treats Astra like she would any other alien prisoner—but that would be a lie she’s unwilling to tell.

“She means something to Kara,” she says instead and it’s true —it’s the only truth she can come up with— but it sounds rehearsed in a way it absolutely isn’t.

“Kara isn’t the one organizing task forces to keep her busy,” he answers, but he’s relenting—Alex can tell by the way he carries himself a bit lighter. “If I think for even a millisecond that this is going wrong, I am pulling the plug.”

“Yes, sir,” she agrees.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Alex.”

She doesn’t. She doesn’t have an Earthly idea what she is doing, but it feels like she’s making headway on something important.

10.

“You disagree with this course of action?” Astra asks suddenly and Alex realizes, embarrassingly enough, that she hadn’t been paying much attention to the neatly penned strategy to infiltrate the new Fort Rozz base that Astra had been writing.

“No. I—,” _was paying more attention to the way_ _you keep biting your lip when you’re concentrating_ , Alex thinks and clenches her jaw against the very stupid admission that threatens to spill from her lips (Astra is stupidly attractive, sure, Alex has known that since she first laid eyes on her, but it really shouldn’t be getting in the way of Alex’s work; it really shouldn’t be something that she can’t stop thinking about). “It makes sense,” she says in place of the truth, glancing at the sheet of paper in front of Astra. Astra’s writing is clean and tight, a pretty looped cursive that accompanies some detailed sketches and some symbols that Alex absentmindedly recognizes as Kryptonian. Humankind, Alex notes to herself, reading over Astra’s plan, could have seriously been screwed had Astra’s heart really been in her war for world domination. It is so clear to Alex now how intellectual and painstakingly organized Astra is when it comes to strategy; she obviously leaves no rock unturned, leaves no angle unexplored. “Kara could learn a lot from you,” Alex says, sincerely. “I mean, we all could. You’re a skilled strategist.”

Astra smiles at her—eyes lighting up like she’s slightly amused at the compliment.

“I may not have been born into the Warrior Guild, but I can assure you that General was an earned title,” she replies, chuckling lightly; it’s an alluring, melodic sort of sound that makes Alex’s heart race with the lightness of it; it’s gone in a moment though, replaced quickly with something far more poignant—Alex wonders how many of Astra’s memories are tainted by these shadows that seem to overcome her so often, wonders what it’ll take to keep that lightness, even if only for a second longer. “I was stripped of my title long before I came to Earth,” she explains, abruptly reticent.

“Because of all the not-so justifiable murder?” Alex asks—she tries to broach it lightly, tries not to sound too probing or too hypercritical but honestly, she’s more than a little curious about how Astra managed to get here and more than a little critical at the methods she’s used.

“Before that actually,” Astra admits.

“Making trouble even in the military, Astra?” Alex admonishes, joking.

Astra grins, surprisingly relaxed but like the chuckle, it’s gone in an instant.

“It is a very long story, Alex,” she says, stoic again.

“Well,” Alex says, shrugging. “I have an empty apartment waiting for me and you have a Kryptonite laced cell awaiting your return; I don’t think either of us are really rushing to get back to either of those.”  

“That is true,” Astra agrees, resting her pencil on the table before her; she stares at it a few moments like she’s not sure if she really wants to continue. “Very well,” she decides, turning to face Alex completely. She swallows delicately, her tongue darting out to wet her lips—Alex doesn’t find that distracting like _at all_.

“It started when I was leading a fairly routine mission to rescue some Kryptonian scientists stranded on the planet of Daxam. The mission was a failure, we were unable to locate the scientists but as we reentered Krypton’s surface, though our calculations were careful and precise, we entered much too quickly and ended up crashing far too close to the planet’s core. I piloted that vessel myself, I plotted our descent myself and as I went over the numbers again and again and again, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong, I knew then that my calculations were not incorrect but that something was terribly wrong with our planet’s structure. I took my concerns to Non who was operating as a chief science officer for the military at the time and as it turned out, I was right; Non quickly discovered the extent of the damage our planet had suffered at our hands. Centuries of irresponsible mining and reckless overconsumption had changed the very composition of the planet. Our core, already hazardous, had shifted and heated, releasing toxins that were polluting our air, our food, our bodies. We knew that if we as a race continued as we were, we had only a few years at most before pestilence would descend upon us or worse, our core would destabilize completely and blow us out of existence. Non wanted to spread the word immediately but I feared it would incite mass hysteria therefore I insisted we go to the Science Council first. The Council seemed genuinely concerned about the state of our future and I was naively optimistic that they would find a way to save us but the next day, there was an _incident_ in Non’s lab that destroyed all his work, killed two of his lab assistants and very nearly killed him too. The very same day, the Council personally assigned me a small squadron and tasked me with a mission to deliver aid to our Kryptonian troops in a neighboring planet of Aku which was entangled in a vicious civil war. It was unusual to send a General to oversee such a mundane task but we were entering a war zone so I thought little of it at the time.” She pauses for a moment, sighs a breath that seems to deflate her defenses.

“It was an ambush,” she says slowly, a quiet rage slithering to the surface of her carefully constructed façade of aloofness. “We were met by a frontline of Akuvian soldiers armed with advanced military-grade Kryptonian rifles. I lost half my squadron in that battle —good soldiers— and when I returned to Krypton, I was summoned to a hearing to discuss my future with the military after having led such a disastrous mission.”

There’s a tightness in Astra’s jaw when she speaks, a harshness in the press of her lips—it’s what Alex has been missing, she realizes, on those days when she can’t quite help but try to figure out the conundrum that is Astra. Alex has seen the danger Astra possesses—she’s seen the careful emotionless calculation, she’s seen how the darkness of her past seems to disconnect her from the present, she’s seen how her conviction stretches her in too many directions at once, she’s seen the sadness that submerges her and the passion that ignites her but she has never seen this. She’s never seen the scorching rage and it’s chilling in a way she couldn’t have anticipated but it’s also suddenly not all that difficult to see how Astra’s good intentions could have led to condemnable actions.

“At the hearing, I sat in front of the same Council I had pleaded with to save us and listened as they cited my history of insubordination, as every prior decision I had made was called into question. My decision to disobey a commanding officer when I was only a Major—a decision which led to the rescue of 38 orphaned Thanagarian children from their Manhawk captors and had once granted me a medal of honor was suddenly being painted as reckless and needless; my inability to find our scientists on Daxam was said to be careless; my survival on Aku though so many of my squadron had died was seen as self-serving. It was decided that I was dangerous and reckless, unworthy of my title and I was discharged from the military all together. Non faced a similar hearing; the explosion in his lab was enough to question the validity of all his work. It was a smart play by the Council honestly.”

“They discredited you before you had the chance to spread the truth,” Alex deduces, understanding now why Astra shoulders the blame for Non’s demise—why that one decision to go to the Council instead of going public had laid the groundwork for their play for Earth.

“Precisely,” Astra agrees and she seems slightly shocked that Alex believes her which Alex supposes is telling enough about how well The Council’s plan worked out. “A disgraced bastard scientist and his ‘dangerous and reckless’ wife prophesying the end of Krypton and claiming treachery by the Council.” She laughs but it’s harsh and bitter. “As I’m sure you can imagine, most people thought us delusional though a few – mostly some of our trusted former colleagues— saw reason and joined our cause.”

There’s a certain strain in Astra’s demeanor—all taut back and sloped shoulders; it seems an odd contradiction of defensive and vulnerable and Alex doesn’t know why she does it—doesn’t know why she keeps doing it—but she finds herself reaching out to touch Astra.

She means to grasp her shoulder—to comfort her maybe or just be physically present where meaningful words escape her— but as she goes to make contact, she faintly feels the racing throb of Astra’s pulse against the back of her fingers and it’s reflex really that causes Alex to splay her fingers against Astra’s neck (seriously, it has to be some kind of muscle memory that compels her to feel for the full thud of Astra’s pulse against her fingertips). It’s something else entirely that causes her to brush the pad of her thumb across Astra’s collarbone.

It’s subtle the way Astra leans into the touch.

It’s not at all subtle the way her breath catches in her throat and her eyes flutter closed.

Alex caresses along the vein in Kryptonian women’s neck, feels the way her pulse spikes and her skin warms. She’s waiting for Astra to look at her or tell her to stop or choke some sense into her or something but when Astra opens her eyes, Alex finds herself struck by the soft vulnerability she finds.

“We were not immediately violent, Alex,” Astra tells her and there’s a desperation there—her voice distressed and pleading like she absolutely needs Alex to hear this. “I need you to understand that senseless violence has never been my intention.”

“I know,” Alex insists—she’s suspected it for a long time, since even before Astra ended up in their custody. “I believe you did the best that you could, Astra.”  

“I longed to save my planet,” Astra explains, reaching to grip Alex’s wrist—it’s a tighter hold than Alex is used to, but in no way painful; it takes her a second to realize that Astra is keeping her close rather than pushing her away. “I longed to make people understand the repercussions their irresponsibility was having on our environment but it soon became apparent that our attempts to educate people into changing their ways was ineffective and the longer we stalled, the more danger we were in. I knew then that I had to save my people; I had to save my family. I had planned to commandeer a military vessel and take the followers of my cause and their families to Daxam where I knew it was inhabitable for Kryptonians. I tried to convince Alura to join me but she refused; she was so blinded by her faith in the system, by her unwavering trust in the Council that she insisted that I had been brainwashed by Non’s faulty science. I wouldn’t leave without her and Kara; I couldn’t leave them to the destruction that Krypton undeniably faced so I planned instead to expose the Council. I knew that if I could prove that they had known that Krypton faced certain death all along then I could convince more people to act, but, acting against the Council was akin to an act of war. Suddenly, I was a General again; organizing, planning, and many of my followers had been of the Warrior Guild so we had all long since learned to sacrifice our principles for the good of our planet. Now, though, instead of protecting our people from outside invasion, we had to protect them from themselves. Anyone who opposed us was an enemy of Krypton. We did what was necessary.”

“Astra,” Alex sighs, looking hard at this soft but hard, defensive but vulnerable, savior but destroyer, alien contradiction of a woman before her and she’s almost sure that she gets it now—that she could solve the riddle that is Astra.

She sweeps her thumb across Astra’s jaw, feels the tension as it ebbs, but Astra snatches her hand away, lets go of her wrist but hovers like she might want to take Alex’s hand instead.

She doesn’t. So Alex does—she sweeps Astra’s hand up in her own, tugs it to rest below hers on her lap.

“Alex, you do not understand,” Astra says, looking at their hands and then directly at Alex.

“It haunts me every day that I was not able to bring honor to those who died for my cause by saving my planet. It haunts me that many of the people who followed me, who were counting on me to save them were imprisoned and had to watch as our worst fear transpired when Krypton imploded. Many of these things haunt me, Alex, but I do not want you to misunderstand me; I regret not having been able to save Krypton, but I do not regret the things that I did in an effort to save it,” she says, speaking slow and clear. “If what you’re doing here,” she pauses, glancing at their hands again. “If this —showing me this kindness, allowing me to work with your organization— is because you think I can somehow be like Kara or Jor-El’s boy then you are wrong. I am no hero, Alex. I will always be willing to go _too_ far to protect the things that I love.”

“I know,” Alex says because she gets it. And maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why she’s “fixated” on Astra—maybe she understands that motivation more than she’d like to admit. “I don’t think that makes you a bad person, Astra,” she insists, squeezing Astra’s fingers. “I’m kind to you because you deserve kindness and I want you working with me because you’re like grossly overqualified to be sitting in a cage reading _Jane Eyre_ all day,” she tells her sincerely. She smooths her thumb over the back of Astra’s hand, tracing circles into the skin. Astra smiles, soft and wistful—and Alex thinks that maybe she gets that too now. “You’ve lost so much already; I think you deserve the same opportunity that Kara and Superman had. I think you deserve the chance to find some new things to love,” she tells her. “Well, things aside from Kara,” she adds, rolling her eyes because she knows all too well how loving Kara is a full-time job in itself.

Astra’s smirk is light and playful.

“Thank you, Alex,” she murmurs, turning her hand in Alex’s and interlocking their fingers. It’s different this time without the cuffs, without the effects of the Kryptonite; Alex can feel the restrained strength that Astra possesses— feels it in a way she’s never even thought about with Kara.

She glances at the finished sketches in front of them, glances around the semi-lit DEO office they had chosen to work in; she knows that almost all of their agents have gone home by now, knows that she should get Astra back into her cell and do the same.

“Hey!” It’s a bad idea; she knows it’s a bad idea and yet she can’t seem to help herself. “Are you hungry?”

11.

“Are you finished examining every corner of my apartment yet?” Alex asks, slicing into a tomato.

She hears scuffling—picture frames being picked up and put back down, books and DVDs being shuffled through.

“Perhaps,” Astra says in a way that really sounds like she means ‘not at all’. Alex wonders what Astra is thinking— wonders if she’s familiar with some of the DVD titles she sees, wonders if she looks at pictures of teenaged Kara and feels happiness for how her niece has grown or sadness for all that she has missed.

She should probably stop wondering what Astra is thinking, she notes, when she’s not even sure what she, herself, is thinking letting Astra come to her apartment like this.

“I will be in so much trouble if Hank ever finds out that I broke you out for the night,” she mutters, mostly to herself but super-hearing and all, of course Astra hears it.

“I am sure that he would take into consideration that I was in very capable hands,” Astra says, suddenly —freakin’ Kryptonian super-speed suddenly— so close that Alex feels only the gust of movement as Astra settles next to her.

It’s likely what distracts her enough that when she brings the knife down again, she manages to nick her index finger instead of slice the tomato.

“Shit,” she mumbles, going to assess the damage but Astra’s quicker than her — of course, she is— taking Alex’s hand in her own and checking the injury herself.

“Well, mostly capable hands,” she amends, though it clearly isn’t all that bad because Alex isn’t even bleeding and Astra isn’t even concentrating on her hand anymore; she’s looking right at Alex instead—looking at her all soft and warm and maybe even a little surprised.

She’s probably just realized just how close they are, Alex thinks.

Alex has just noticed it herself really—just noticed how Astra is a bit taller than her, just noticed how Astra still smells a bit like Kara did when she first arrived to Earth— like fresh linen and a hint of firewood—; just noticed how from this close, Astra’s eyes are a mosaic of all sorts of hues that Alex can’t even begin to give name to, except that they all remind her of the outdoors—of thunderstorm and rainclouds, of grass in the springtime and leaves in the Fall.

Astra sweeps her fingertips over the spot Alex had cut—it doesn’t hurt (minus the shock of it, it never really did) but Astra is unexpectedly gentle regardless.

“You are lucky it is not worse; you humans are so fragile,” she admonishes.

Alex rolls her eyes.

“Yeah?” She swallows hard, doesn’t know when words became this hard to rise from her throat. Honestly, she feels kind of fragile right now, feels like something irreparable might break inside her if Astra comes any closer. She doesn’t tell Astra that though; she’d never tell Astra that. “Well, don’t tempt me,” she says instead. “I can get some Kryptonite and bring you down to my level.”

Astra’s grin is slow and lazy—completely relaxed here in Alex’s apartment, completely relaxed in Alex’s presence even despite the _mostly_ joking threat of Kryptonite.

Alex feels the caress of Astra’s fingertips against her cheek before she expects it – she’d like to blame super-speed but okay, maybe she was just a little distracted. She remembers a similar caress; remember once upon a time when that touch was far more threatening but now it’s calm and measured like maybe Astra’s trying to memorize her with her fingertips.

“I fear it would take far less than Kryptonite to subdue me, Alex,” Astra says, blunt and raw —so deadly serious that Alex kind of wants to laugh at the insinuation, but she doesn’t, can’t do much of anything except wonder exactly what they’re doing here; wonder how someone as powerful as Astra manages to touch her so reverently; wonder exactly why Astra keeps looking at her like this—like she’s in awe of her when she’s so frustratingly human and Astra could probably lift a car with her pinky if she really wanted to.

Astra traces the curve of Alex’s bottom lip with her thumb and Alex knows that she has to do something—she knows that she has to stop this.

“Astra,” she protests— _tries to protest_ —but it barely comes out at all, sounds like someone has punched the air from her lungs.

This is a bad idea bubbling between them—Alex is half to blame, she knows it, but she doesn’t really think she should take any of the blame when Astra is looking at her like she is now, looking at her like she just might kiss her.

She does kiss her.

It’s barely anything at first—just the press of Astra’s lips against hers, soft and fleeting, like maybe she’s just testing it out, maybe she’s deciding if it’s something worth pursuing.

Clearly, the answer is yes because almost as quickly as she had pulled away, she cups Alex’s jaw in her strong hands, surges forward again and it’s everything this time—everything Alex would never in her lifetime have allowed herself to imagine.

Astra holds her close and kisses her hard—fits their lips together like they belong, like the curve of Alex’s bottom lip was made to be cushioned between Astra’s own.

Alex feels a slight sting as Astra bites at her lip, but it’s gone in an instant, soothed by the heat between them. She slips her tongue into the satiny slick of Astra’s mouth, feels the way Astra’s grip on her tightens as she pulls her closer and slides her tongue hotly against Alex’s.

It’s a dizzying sensation, almost like that irreparable thing inside has indeed shattered and is spilling out of her, probably spilling into Astra judging by how close they are.

Suddenly overwhelmed, Alex breaks the kiss, fills her lungs with air as she finds herself marveling at the subtle heave of Astra’s chest and the darkening tint of her eyes.

She doesn’t even think about it as she surges forward this time, her fingers slipping into Astra’s hair as she tugs her forward, kissing her thoroughly.

The dishes on the counter rattle when Astra backs her into it—Alex is sure there’ll be a bruise from the impact—but she doesn’t care right now; she cares so much more about the little gasp that blows warm against her lips when she curls her fingers beneath the DEO-issued tank top Astra is wearing; she is so much more interested in the way Astra’s breath catches when she sinks her nails into the smooth flesh of her back, pressing in much harder than any human woman could bear.

Alex is lost in the sensation of it all, pulling hard against Astra’s push, tugging her even closer into her body as their lips meet.

“Alex!” The suddenness of Kara’s voice is like the coldest of cold showers. Alex backs away so quickly that she ends up backing into the counter again.

“So Winn pointed out that I may have a tiny crush on someone I really shouldn’t b—” She cuts off abruptly when she sees them.

Alex glances at the open window Kara just flew in through, glances at Astra who looks slightly disheveled.

She’s positive that they’ve been caught.

It’s instinct that causes her to step in front of Astra, to position herself between Astra and Kara like she’d be anything but collateral damage in the middle of a Kryptonian family feud.

“Why is Astra here, Alex?” Kara asks slowly, her nose scrunching in honest-to-God confusion. Alex tries not to draw her breath of relief too loudly because she has honestly never been more grateful in her whole entire life that Kryptonian super-senses and all and yet Kara is still just her mostly clumsy, slightly awkward little sister who can’t even tell when people are flirting with her let alone imagine something as absurd as possibly having walked in (flown in) on her sister kissing her aunt. Or her aunt kissing her sister. Astra definitely kissed her first. She definitely kissed Astra back.

Her life is officially a fucking mess.

“I snuck her out for the night,” she says, realizing that Kara expects an answer and she quickly decides to give her an honest one; well, a mostly honest one—she totally skims over the part where it may have been because of a subconscious desire to make out with her aunt; definitely skips the part where she did just that. “She’s been a great asset to the DEO over the past few months,” she points out, glancing back at Astra who is looking rather bashfully at the floor; Alex decides then to bring up something she’s been absentmindedly thinking about for a little while. “In fact, I was thinking about going to talk to Hank tomorrow to suggest a full pardon,” she admits. She glances at Astra again, sees as the shock registers on her features. “I think it’d help if you backed me up on it, Kara.”

Kara looks at her hard and then looks between her and Astra like she’s sure she’s missing something but can’t pinpoint what it is.

“Are you sure?” she asks. “She has proven to be dangerous, Alex.”

Alex glances at Astra again, thinks that maybe they shouldn’t be having this discussion right in front of her, but what with the super-hearing and all, she realizes that it hardly matters.

“I know,” Alex acknowledges, “but I have this pain-in-the-ass sister who wholeheartedly believes in redemption and second chances and I think she’s rubbing off on me.”

Kara smiles softly at her before directing her attention towards Astra.

“Kara Zor-El,” Astra speaks softly but surely. “I swear that I hold no malevolence towards you or your sister or the people of your adopted planet. It has never been my intention to hurt anyone,” she promises. “Least of all, you.”

“I know Aunt Astra,” Kara sighs and she looks so conflicted, like she’s not sure if she should hug her or try to melt her. “I want to trust you so badly,” she murmurs and Alex has really never seen ‘dive-into-everything-headfirst-despite-the-consequences’ Kara this hesitant to let her guard down before. She knows that means that Kara is absolutely terrified to lose Astra again, knows how despite Kara’s bravado, fighting against Astra before has clearly affected her; she knows now from that absolutely crumpled look on her face that Kara just doesn’t have it in her to do it again.

It’s the hesitance that Alex hates the most; the harsh frown lines of insecurity just seem foreign and out of place on Kara’s face and Alex wishes there was something she could do to assuage them.  

“I trust her,” she finds herself saying— finds that there is way more conviction behind the words than she even knew she possessed. “Even if you can’t trust her completely right now, I trust her, okay? So, trust me?”  

Kara looks between them again and Alex can’t help it—she unconsciously smoothes down the side of her sweater where she’s sure Astra’s hands had grabbed at.

“Okay,” Kara agrees, nodding. “I will support you when you talk to Hank,” she confirms, moving closer, less defensive, less cocked for a fight. She walks right into the kitchen, right where Alex had been pinned against her own counter and Alex wonders if there is some kind of residual tell-tale energy of their exploits that only a Kryptonian can pick up on, wonders if Kara is about to turn to her with wide eyes and that hurt expression that Alex just can’t bear.

Instead, Kara heads right for the chopped up veggies she has on her cutting board and Alex sucks in a quick breath of relief because of course that’s what attracted Kara, of course she’s drawn to the food.

“You’re cooking and you didn’t invite me?” Kara complains.

“Your sister is doing something that I believe is passable for cooking. Even by human standards,” Astra pipes up and Alex rolls her eyes. “Now, Little One,” she slings an arm around Kara’s shoulder—something that Alex imagines Astra hasn’t done since Kara was much shorter. “I believe you came crashing in here with a predicament. An issue regarding a forbidden attraction? Perhaps I can be of some assistance. Believe it or not, I am quite knowledgeable on the subject,” she says and Alex swears she looks right at her when she says it.

“Okay, Kryptonians out of my kitchen,” Alex orders, shooing them over towards her couch before there’s no food left in her apartment because of Kara and no air left in her lungs because of Astra.

She needs alcohol like now, she decides, rifling through her drawer for her wine opener. The cork can’t pop out of the bottle of wine fast enough for Alex’s liking, but she’s quick to pour herself a glass—pours two more for the stupidly impervious to drunkenness when on Earth Kryptonians too.

She’s balancing the glasses to bring to them when she notices something she hadn’t even registered before.

Kara isn’t wearing her Supergirl costume (which she totally has to talk to Kara about because flying into her apartment in the middle of the night in civilian clothes is a sure way to blow her cover). And Astra isn’t in cuffs. This isn’t Supergirl and her kind of super villainous aunt lounging on her couch— this is Kara, at ease (the way she is around Alex and Winn and James) and her aunt Astra, the one she once felt she could talk to over her own mother. This is the way Alex supposes they would have been on Krypton and her chest squeezes for how badly she’d like to make this a permanent thing.

She deposits the two glasses on the coffee table in front of them and Kara grins at her, her smile way too conspiratorial.

Hey,” she mock whispers when they both know that Astra can hear them. “If Astra starts working for the DEO for real, I think we should totally try to set her up with Hank.”

That laugh that bursts out of Alex sounds so much like a Kara-esque ‘I-don’t-even-know-what-to-say-to-something-like-that-this-situation-is-so-awkward’ laugh that Alex can’t help but stifle it in her own glass of wine.

She’s pretty sure she downs the wine faster than a Kryptonian even could and when she looks up from the bottom of the glass, it is to find that Astra’s eyes are on her and her lips are curled into a smirk so mischievous that even a blind person could probably tell that they had made out in her kitchen less than half an hour ago.

She rushes back to the kitchen, finds herself staring at the spot where the unspeakable had happened.

She’s definitely gonna need to finish that whole bottle of wine to get through the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm extending this to 3 chapters because it is getting far too long!  
> Thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos and sorry this took so long, RL sucks and omg, I am still forever in denial about 1x13!!!! I've erased it from my mind; I'm totally gonna read like all the fix-it fic ever right now and wallow and adopt them all as headcanon!

**Author's Note:**

> Help! I've fallen into this ship and I can't get out. Like, I'm ready to start writing soulmate AU; I'm that ride or die!  
>   
> The title is from the Weeknd's song, aptly titled: "[Prisoner (feat. Lana del Rey)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHXzPNEs9vI)". I very almost titled this fic after the Drake lyric, "if I you had a twin, I would still choose you," but you know, trying not to be too cheesy here.  
>   
> On the next and final part - More about Astra's past, Alex confronts the fact that she clearly has a crush and seriously regrets buying Astra all those romance novels, Astra realizes humans are not so puny and Kara is clueless and also not so clueless all at once.  
>   
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
